When someone asks you if you’re in a committed relationship, what do you say? Do you lie or do you say the truth? Many people say things like “it’s complicated”, “we’ve hit a rough patch”, “I don’t really have a girlfriend now”, “I have potential suitors but nothing serious”.
Meanwhile, they’re all lies. A lot of us are in very serious relationships but at the faintest sight of attention or pleasure from someone else, we deny our relationship status, we quickly distance ourselves from our attachments or better still, our commitments. Why? Why do we do this?
This article discusses 3 reasons why we deny our commitments but first, let’s start with the word “commitment”, what does it mean? The oxford dictionary has two definitions.
First it describes commitment as the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. Interestingly, it also describes it as an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.
Hence, In simple terms, a committed relationship is one where both parties are dedicated to one another. That is – if you’re in a committed relationship, there are some things you can’t do. You can’t kiss your neighbor’s lips no matter how enticing they look and you can’t sleep with the new guy in your estate no matter how charming he looks.
Yet we do these things. Why?
Here are a few reasons
Falling in love is risky, anything can happen. Your partner can serve you breakfast tomorrow, or next week. S/he might fall out of love with you, or worse still, they might be cheating on you. You never know.
So this fear drives us to consider and have many options. If Tunde messes up, Dayo will be there and if Dayo messes up, I have Kingsley. If Sharon breaks my heart, Esther will be there and if she’s not around, I’ll call Folake.
At first, the goal was to have a second option, but we added another option to the second option, then we added another option to the 3rd option and we keep adding and adding. Which brings me to the second reason.
Sometimes we don’t deny our commitment out of fear, we deny it out of :
I love the Oxford definition of Greed. It describes it as an intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food.
You might be thinking “how can I deny my relationship for food?” Ok, but just so you know, there’s a reason guys take ladies to expensive restaurants and there’s a reason ladies invite guys over for dinner. Don’t underestimate food, especially good food.
Sometimes we’re not greedy for food, sometimes it’s money. “This guy just came back from Canada and he’s loaded, let me date him for a while.” “This other fellow has money too, let me also date him.”
In other cases, it’s not just about the money, we want attention too. We want attention and validation so bad, we are willing to throw away our 3 years relationship for them. We like to hear compliments.
Tell us how sexy we look and how seductive our rich baritone voice is. We crave these compliments. So every time someone comes along with these sweet lines, we tune our focus to them instantly. We say “oh I was in a relationship before, but we broke up last month”.
Big lie! We’re just greedy.
In addition to greed, another reason why we deny our Committed relationship is:
Lack of Self-control
This is one of the biggest reasons we deny our relationships. We just can’t keep our libido in check, we see a lady with a banging body and we make it our life’s mission to copulate with her. We see another and we repeat the process. Some ladies can’t resist a handsome guy who smells nice, some prefer guys with dimples.
Maybe it’s a sexual urge, maybe it’s greed, maybe it’s fear or maybe you’re no longer happy in the relationship, whatever it is, you’ll need a strong amount of Self-control to stay Committed. Funmi is a Writer, Thinker and Marketing buff. Like Mark Manson, he hopes to give life advice that doesn’t suck.
In other news – I have responded to the President – National Police Commissioner Khehla Sitole
National Police Commissioner Khehla Sitole is tight-lipped about his representations to the President on his suspension notice. The notice follows a January court ruling that Sitole and his deputies had breached their duties by not cooperating with IPID.
The President confirmed receipt of the representations but would not comment further. Learn more