Although it may seem like the lines can blur between consensual s.e.x and rape, the difference is actually very simple. Consensual s.e.x is s.e.x that all parties involved in agree to, both prior to the s.e.xual activity and throughout it. Rape happens when someone involved in the s.e.xual activity does not agree to it, and is doing it against their will, and/or because they feel forced or coerced into it.
It’s crucial to note that consent must be given before the s.e.xual act, and it can be withdrawn during the act. Just because someone agreed to s.e.x beforehand doesn’t mean they can’t change their mind.
If ever you’re having s.e.x, or you’re engaged in s.e.xual activity, and you don’t want to be doing it, it’s rape.
What is s.e.xual consent?
S.e.xual consent is actually very easy to understand. If a person says they want to have s.e.x with you, great! Go ahead and have s.e.x with them. If a person says they don’t want to have s.e.x (or any other kind of s.e.xual activity) with you, or if they’re unconscious, or if they’re unsure, they have not given consent and you must not have s.e.x with them.
5 things everyone needs to know about consent
1. The opposite of consent is rape
If you don’t give your consent to be involved in a s.e.xual act with someone, and they force you to do it anyway, it’s rape. It’s a crime, and they can be punished for it. You have every right to report it to the relevant authorities, if you want to. Reporting it is your choice.
2. You can always change your mind
Even if you give consent before s.e.x, you can change your mind during the act. If the other person continues to have s.e.x with you, it’s rape.
3. A drunk or drugged person can’t give consent
If a person has been drinking or taking drugs, they don’t know what they’re doing, and they can’t give consent, even if it seems like they are. That means it’s rape. Bottom line: don’t have s.e.x with a person who’s inebriated or intoxicated in any way.
4. Giving consent for one act doesn’t mean you give consent for all acts
Consent must be given every time you have s.e.x or engage in s.e.xual activity with someone. Just because you had s.e.x with them once doesn’t mean they have the right to demand s.e.x any other time. Having s.e.x with someone once doesn’t imply that they always have a right to have s.e.x with you…
5. … In fact, no one has the ‘right’ to have s.e.x with you
Maybe someone bought you dinner, or maybe they splashed out on expensive gifts for you. This does not mean that they ‘own’ you, or your body, or have any right to have s.e.x with you. You also do not owe anyone your body for any reason – even your spouse does not own your body! You and you alone have full rights over your body, what you do with it, and with who!
The things every man and woman needs to know about s.e.xual consent
1. Women: you CAN reject s.e.x
Many South African women, particularly those under 25, believe they don’t have the option to reject non-consensual s.e.x. If you don’t want to have s.e.x, you have the right to say NO.
2. Partners should consistently seek consent from each other
To borrow from the video you’ve just seen, just because a person wants a cup of tea today doesn’t mean they’ll want tea tomorrow or the next day or next week. Get consent for every s.e.xual encounter between you and your partner.
3. Seeking consent doesn’t have to be awkward
It can be respectful while still being sexxy, because it gets you talking about the s.e.xual acts you want to do (and those you don’t). Creating safe spaces for open, honest discussions helps keep you and your partner happy and satisfied.
4. Drugs and alcohol don’t replace s.e.xual consent
Have you ever regretted your behaviour or a decision you’ve made when you’ve been under the influence? If a person has taken drugs or had too much to drink, she is unable to make rational, logical decisions, and is therefore unable to give consent – even if her words seem to say otherwise. Do not have s.e.x with her. Make sure she’s safe, and be respectful enough to leave her alone.
5. If a person is unconscious, they cannot give consent
Having s.e.x with a person who is passed out is rape.
6. If a person passes out half-way through s.e.x, stop having s.e.x with them
Continuing to have s.e.x with a person who is unable to continue giving consent becomes non-consensual, and is therefore also rape.
7. If you have s.e.x, or any kind of s.e.xual activity, with a person who did not give consent, it is rape
There are no grey areas: s.e.x without consent it rape.
In other news – Kelly Khumalo reacts to Jub Jub’s viral interview – VIDEO
In the wake of Jub Jub’s drama that has rocked the country for a couple of days now, his baby mama Kelly Khumalo is not bothered by all of the negativity that comes with it.
Jub Jub made startling allegations against Kelly, claiming that she uses muti to trap men. He revealed this in an interview on Podcast and Chill With MacG. The Uyajolala 9/9 host Amanda Du Pont, whom he claims to have dated, left him because of Kelly’s muti. Learn More
